# # ["America The Beautiful"]
I believe in America.
I believe in the American dream.
I believe in the American way of life,
- that every American should have an honest job, a family... - [Metal Jingling]
and a home to call their own.
And two, two cars in every garage, you betcha.
[Man] What does this car do for 100 grand?
Play with your nuts while you drive?
That would beat the shit out of cruise control.
Anybody that would drop 100 grand on a car deserves to get it stolen,
- then the shit kicked out of 'em. Hey, I'm driving. - Hell, no.
- What are you talking about, no? - 'Cause you drive like that kid Corky from Life Goes On.
[Laughs] Well, you drive like a goddamn maniac.
Why don't you yell louder? I don't think you woke anybody up yet.
- [Alarm Blaring] - You're wrong.
Uh-oh.
# Jump me Let me take you back in time #
See the size of that guy's gun?
That was a big gun.
- Hey, what's wrong with you? You said the guy wasn't home. - [Siren Wailing]
- Uh-oh, we got company. - Aw, shit!
# On the brink with my.357 #
# The tab on your drink Boom, boom, went to heaven #
# Move over on the right Feels so dang heavy #
# # [Continues, Indistinct]
Don't let 'im kill me, man! I got shit to do tomorrow!
- [Tires Screeching] - Aw, no!
# # [Continues]
- Watch it! - [Horn Honking, Skidding]
- All right, all right. People. - [Horn Honking]
Shit!
We didn't hit 'em. We didn't.
[Groaning]
[Truck Horn Honking]
Okay, you happy? You messed with me.
Why are we parked in front of a police station?
Yo, officer! Excuse me.
- [Speaking Spanish] - You smoke crack tonight?
- Shh, it's gonna be fine. - Yeah?
Could you help a brother out? We tryin' to get to Disneyland.
The two of you are on your way to Disneyland?
Yeah, this is my retarded friend.
He's from, uh, Arkansas or somewhere,
and he wants to go to Disneyland.
Right, you wanna go to Disneyland, man?
- [Slurred Speech] Disneyland. - See, Disneyland?
Where? I love the way he says Dis... Say that again.
[Slurred Speech] Disneyland.
He loves Disneyland, so that's where we tryin' to go.
All right, go east on 10.
When you get to the 5, you go south to Anaheim.
Signs all over the place.
So the cop, man, not only was he stupid, he gave us directions.
- That man drew us a map to this place. - Yeah, he got me.
But you do that again, I swear to God...
Hi, Mimi. I got it. Let's see.
You can get drinks for everybody, okay?
Thanks, Archie.
To the Rock and Archie Show.
You know that. Yo, man, there's somethin' I ain't understandin' here.
Everything we get, we split down the middle, right?
Of course we do. We're partners.
So tell me this, partner. Why your bankroll always fatter than mine?
You got money problems or something?
I mean, well, it ain't no shit I can't handle. You know, a little...
Well, whatever's mine is yours. You know that.
Yeah, I know that.
[Archie] Ooh, I like that.
[Rock] Easy, lover boy.
- Any woman that fine got to have a man somewhere. - So?
"So"? So you fight like Peter McNealy. You wanna get your ass whooped again?
That's the beauty of havin' you around, man. You got my back.
You hope.
[Crowd Chattering]
- What? - What do you mean, what?
- I heard you calling me over here. - I didn't call you over here.
My friend told me you called me over here to make out with me.
- He said you said that. - Are you kidding?
What? He's the one who said it. I will if...
What's up?
What the fuck do you think you're doin'?
Shit.
I know, uh, it looks like I was hittin' on your girlfriend here.
But, uh... in actuality,
I was fuckin' hittin' on her harder than you think, motherfucker.
So why don't you step the fuck back...
before I bitch-slap your fuckin' hiney?
I'm gonna kill you.
Hey, my man, is there a problem here?
Yeah, there's a problem. Fuckin' snatchface is a fuckin' problem, man!
- Archie, chill! - Motherfucker! I'll bite your fuckin' ear off!
- Arch, chill. - I'm tryin' to chill, man. Daddy dipshit won't let me.
He's drivin' me nuts with them fuckin' crazy eyes and that armpit stench!
Okay, okay, okay. Apparently you all got some shit to work out.
No, no, no, no, no. We worked this shit out.
I'm glad we worked this shit out, man.
Let me buy you a drink. You buy me...
Kick him in the balls. Kick him in the balls.
Now it's on, motherfucker. Now it's on!
- Keats! - Man, not like that.
- So what's up? - Like this.
[Gasps, Chattering]
[Groans]
[Grunting]
[Groaning]
Ooh, that's the old school shit.
Honey! Oh, muffin!
- [Groaning] - Oh, honey, okay. How's your twinkie, huh?
# # [Car Stereo]
[Rock] Yo, man, what kind of nasty-ass meat is that you're eatin'?
Look like some shit outta Jeffrey Dahmer's refrigerator.
Thanks, man. All right, thank you.
- [Spanish On TV] - All right.
Let me tell you somethin'. I do got some shit goin' on.
You know, that car stealin' shit we've been doin', that's fine.
I have a good time doin' that with you, but l...
My serious income's comin' from this guy, Keats.
I'm tellin' you, he is the biggest drug lord in the west.
- The biggest. - Get outta here.
You know, Ron, of all your inventions, this is probably the one...
[Archie] My mother just started using that stuff; it works.
And two, two cars in every garage.
Check it out. There's the man himself.
Come on down to Colton Motors. Fetch your piece of that American dream.
What do you do for the car guy?
I'm the point man. I set up drops and meet the shipments.
All I gotta do is make sure Mr. Colton is happy.
Well, if he's as large as you say he is, then he's got to be happy.
I've been thinking about this shit, and... You need money...
Basically, you're the only guy I've ever trusted in my entire life.
So I was thinking I could talk to Mr. Colton about bringin' you in.
But yo, I'm just a petty car thief, man.
You're talkin' some all industrial-type shit.
I swear to you, it's very, very easy.
It's easy, huh?
Are you in or what?
I trust you, man. Put me down.
You're doin' the right thing.
- All right, Mo, you want a ride? - No, man, I'll walk it.
- You sure? - I ain't gonna drive with you if I don't have to.
- All right, man. Keep it real, son. - All right.
- Police. Freeze! - Hey!
The party's over, Jack. If you move, I'll blow your goddamn brains out.
You're breakin' my arm, Miles Davis.
- You fuckin' pussy! - Hey, relax.
What are you and the black in the hat doin' followin' me around anyway?
We was just in the neighborhood.
Did you have fun at Disneyland?
Here he is, Captain.
Anybody ever tell you you look like a struck match?
What's the word, Rock, Jack, whatever your name is?
The word is, El Capitan,
this last year of my life is about to pay itself off.
What're you tellin' me?
What I'm tellin' you is, Archie Moses is taking me to meet the man.
And finally, Frank Colton is goin' down.
Congratulations, Jack.
You bring down Colton, it's gonna make your career.
Hey, man, I don't even care about that.
All I care about is puttin' that scumbag behind bars where he belongs.
There's a shipment comin' into San Pedro next week. It's supposed to be huge.
When do you meet with Colton?
Moses gonna introduce me tomorrow.
- You're gonna wear a wire. - I don't know.
Jack, it's a good idea to wear a wire.
I'll sleep on it.
[lmitating Archie] Disneyland. [Laughing]
What?
[Laughing] Nothing.
Just something Archie did. He's crazy.
What, are you gettin' sweet on this guy?
- No. - Let me tell you something.
You pal around with somebody long enough,
you forget he's the bad guy.
[Laughter]
So why don't you tell me about your damn self, Mr. Keats?
Well, the truth is, there ain't much to say.
I mean, you know, I did some time up north for breaking and entering,
a little armed robbery, petty shit like that.
Well, what about references? Do you trust this man, Moses?
Mr. Colton, I trust this guy with my life.
That's good, that's good.
I mean, because trust is a very important commodity in business.
True that. True that!
[Laughing] True that, true that.
And I wanna tell you who I trust. I trust Moses here.
Thank you.
And I trust my colleague, Mr. Bledsoe.
But most importantly, Mr. Keats, I wanna tell you who I don't trust.
- I don't trust you. - Yo!
Hey!
See, I don't trust you 'cause, hell, I don't know you.
- Search him. - This is bullshit. I don't wanna search him.
You search him, not 'cause you want to,
but because you have to, you understand?
Jesus!
Mo, this is like some embarrassing shit, man.
I know this guy like I know myself.
If he's a cop, I'll suck your dick, Mr. Colton.
Jesus, I'm sorry, bro. See, no wires!
Well, hell, search him.
- Nothin'. - [Frisking]
Well, fine. If you don't ask, you never know. You know what I'm saying?
Now remember, nobody moves until Jack gives us the word...
that Colton is on the premises.
- Understood? - Listen, Cap.
Yes, Jack?
- I wanna be the one to bring Archie in. - What?
There's gonna be a lot of testosterone flyin' around here today.
I don't want any of these overzealous assholes puttin' any dents in Archie.
I knew it. You are sweet on the son of a bitch.
- Look, I know him. He's not that bad... - He's a low-life scumbag.
All right, then he's my low-life scumbag, okay? And who knows?
After this is over, maybe I can help him get his life back together.
You look tense, man. Relax. It's gonna be all right.
[Barking]
Relax. It's just a nice little friendly doggy.
How you doin', buddy? Long time no see.
Oh, you like that, huh? See that? He loves me.
No, he just licked his balls, and now he's tryin' to get that nasty taste outta his mouth.
Hey, ese, don't shoot. It's me.
How're you guys doin'?
Colton didn't say nothing about no new guy.
All right, Rigo, meet Rock Keats, mi amigo.
Yo, what's up? ¿ Còmo està, ustedes?
What is it about you, man? Nobody likes you except me.
[Shouts]
# # [Indistinct Rap]
[Chattering]
[Archie] What you see right there is 100%% uncut, grade-A heroin.
Yo, where's your boy, Colton?
Don't worry. He's gonna be here to check up on my shit.
# Get funky #
Let's go. Up, up, up. Come on, good job.
A little quicker, fellows. Let's go.
What do you keep lookin' around for?
Yo, you better back up off me, son. What's your problem?
What the fuck you lookin' for? That's my problem!
- Hey, hey, relax, man. - You better tell Tattoo here somethin'.
This fuckin' maricòn is makin' me nervous.
He acts like a cop.
Well, he's not a cop. He's my friend, so take it down.
- I don't know that. - You think he's a cop?
Well, goddamn it, he's not a cop! Take a look. Satisfied, scumbag?
You fuckin' piece of shit!
- We move now. - What about Colton?
To hell with Colton! Move! Everybody, move!
Archie Moses, you're under arrest.
You better be messin' around.
- You have the right to remain silent. - You were like my fucking brother!
- Anything you say can be used against... - How can you do this to me?
[Sirens Wailing]
- [Grunts] - [Tires Screeching]
- [Screams] - Moses, stop!
- [Gunshots Continue] - [Grunts]
No! [Grunts]
Keats, what the fuck is wrong with you, man?
No one hurts him! That's the deal.
[Groaning]
[Gunshots Continue]
Come on, Moses. If you come out now, maybe we can make a deal.
Don't you talk to me about makin' any deals, you lyin' sack of shit!
Come on, Moses, give yourself up.
You're gonna get yourself killed here.
All right, Officer Keats, you win. I'm comin' out. Don't shoot.
[Chuckles, Mutters] Come on, Moses.
I'll blow this dog's head right off his body. You drop your goddamn gun!
No, you won't. You love animals.
I hate dogs! Get outta here, you stupid, ugly dog!
I'm trying to save your life here.
Fuck you! [Cocks Gun]
[Panting] No! God, no, no, no!
Oh, my God, Jack's down!
Get that son of a bitch! Get him! Get him!
[Barks]
[Crashes]
Bledsoe, it got all fucked up in there, all fucked up. Where were you guys?
[Groaning]
We had a flat tire, asshole.
- Goddamn it! - Ohhh!
This little fuckup of yours cost me millions of dollars. I'm very, very mad.
- I'm sorry. I made a mistake. - "I'll suck his..."
"If he's a cop, I'll suck your dick."
I believe I'm close to that particular quote, am I not?
I don't think I did say that, actually. Maybe Bledsoe said that.
Here's your last meal. I hope you enjoy it.
Oh, don't do this, please. You don't need to do this.
- [Barking, Snarling] - Get this damn mutt off me!
[Groaning] Oh, you slimy bastard! God!
Let's move it!
- Blood pressure dropping! - He's bleeding out!
To the Rock and Archie Show.
You know that.
How long?
I mean, basically, you're the only guy I've ever trusted in my entire life.
[Slurred Speech] Disneyland.
Welcome back, Jack. Take it easy for the time being.
Getting back on your feet isn't going to be easy, but...
you're in good hands.
This is Traci Flynn, our new physical therapist.
Hi.
- [Whispers] Keep me posted. - Okay.
Good.
Bring it down.
Come on, Jack, I want you to make it to the end of the bar.
Let's go. Come on. Pull it forward. There you go.
Put your weight on it. Bring the other one forward.
Five, five, five. Let's go.
[Laughing] You're doing all right, though.
Come on, Jack, you're ready for this. Come on.
# Tell me what is so divine #
# The one I need, yeah #
[Continues]
I'm proud of you.
# # [Song Fades]
Oh, the ghost himself.
Not even a bullet in the head could stop him.
I'm tellin' you, one millimeter to the right or left, and he'd be dead.
Oh, man, I wouldn't want to have to mess with him.
# Where you from, uptown ho #
# Break it down, baby got the fifth wheel swingin' #
# Flies so cool, when you ride you'll be screamin' #
# I used to be known as the bank account breaker #
# Never be millionaire but I'm damn good lovemaker #
# I rather play you, though if I had your number #
# # [Continues, Indistinct]
Sir! Sir!
Sir!
Where're you headed, sir?
I'm goin' to Mexico. I gotta start my life over. I'm gonna be a bullfighter.
Have you been drinking, sir?
I had about a half a beer, but the dog had a lot.
[Whimpering]
Would you mind stepping out of this vehicle and walking a straight line?
Oh, yeah, no problem.
So you got Archie Moses. What does that got to do with me?
Archie Moses is gonna turn state's evidence.
- He's rolling on Colton? - Uh-huh.
Colton wasn't too thrilled with Moses...
for bringing a cop into his organization.
He's had a hit on him ever since.
So, now that Moses is up against it,
he's ready to give us Colton on a platter.
Jack, Steve Finch, DEA. He's calling the shots.
And what the hell is he gettin' out of this?
- Commuted sentence. - How commuted?
- Still to be determined. - Oh, bullshit! How commuted?
- Jack, take it easy. - That asshole shot me in my head!
- Now I got this asshole tellin' me he's gettin' away with it! - Asshole?
Jack, that's not how it happened. Moses will do the time.
You know what? You and the DEA figure that out. I want nothin' to do with it.
Hold on a minute, Jack. The deal with Moses.
One condition.
What condition?
I don't know why he wants you to bring him in, and I don't give a shit!
- With him, we finish what we started! - No.
You don't have to be afraid. We'll send in a team for backup.
You think I'm afraid of Moses?
After the way you treated him, I wouldn't be surprised if he put another bullet...
- [Muttering] - Jack, Jack! Hold on. Take it easy.
You're right, "Stench." I am afraid of Moses.
I'm afraid if I see him again, I'll kill him.
Jack, come on.
- What do you want? - Ohhh!
I mean, let someone else bring Moses' stupid ass in.
Far as I'm concerned, this shit is over for me.
You know, your cop buddies, they all say the same thing.
They say you're not the same man, Jack.
They say that when you got shot, you lost a piece of yourself.
I didn't even know you then, but you know what? I think they were right.
- What are you talking about? I'm happy. - Come on, Jack.
You pretend you like your job, and it's making you miserable eight hours a day.
And you pretend that Archie Moses doesn't exist,
which is making you miserable 24 hours a day!
If you don't finish this thing with Archie Moses...
Come here.
You're right, as usual. You're right.
[Archie] Okay, little Keats, sit.
[Officers Murmuring]
Good doggy. Now beg for your life.
That's right, little Keats. Come on, you can do it. Let me hear you cry.
- No good. Bang! - [Whimpers]
- Gotcha. - [Laughter]
Poor little boy.
I'm surprised you showed up.
Why isn't this prisoner in cuffs?
There he goes, bein' a cop again.
Well, he wasn't going anywhere.
You cuff him. Arms, legs, feet.
I want his asshole cuffed to his nuts,
and then put him on the plane.
Before you do that, see you later, buddy.
Man's best friend right here.
Oh, you like that. Look, he's lickin' me 'cause he likes to lick me,
not 'cause he's tryin' to get close to me and then fuck me over.
- Do I speak with an accent? - No.
Then cuff the prisoner!
Don't you even want to know why I asked for you, Keats?
I know why. You want to finish what you started.
But I'm warning you, Archie Moses, I'm lookin' for an excuse to kill you.
If you sneeze, if you fart, if I even smell your breath,
I will shoot you dead.
How about if I chew loud?
Sometimes when I eat, I chew loud. Yum-yum. You gonna shoot me?
I ain't gonna try anything, Keats,
and you're so wrong about that day.
You know what? I don't wanna hear nothing you have to say...
about any subject at any time.
And yes, I will shoot you if you chew loud.
- [Silenced Gunshots] - [Grunts]
- [Grunting] - Man down! Sniper!
- Oh, shit, they're tryin' to kill me! - Get your ass on that plane.
Hustle! Let's go!
[Shouting]
[Whooping, Laughing]
[Grunts]
[Grunting]
[Indistinct Shouting]
[Shouting, Groaning]
[Shouts]
[Screaming]
[Grunting]
[Screaming]
What the hell is goin' on up there?
- Shit! The pilot's dead. - I got 1,000 hours.
- What? - I got 1,000 hours flying a plane.
- Oh, bullshit. - Mr. Colton's in the import/export business, remember?
Here, buddy. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
- Hey, come on, fly this baby. - Not until you apologize.
- What? - Apologize! You did some shitty shit!
- [Alarm Buzzing] - You better hurry!
I swear to God if you don't fly this damn plane,
you're gonna experience death, then deja vu!
You're a bad person, man.
I can actually taste my nuts.
- You're killing me! - [Screaming]
Mayday. Mayday. Does anyone read?
Mayday? What is this, a Kirk Douglas movie?
Is everything a joke?
You're wasting your time anyway, man.
- Can we make L.A.? - Not without gas.
[Jack] They blew our gas tanks!
[Archie] Oh, shit!
Okay, we're probably gonna crash headfirst, right?
Okay, I'll be in the back sittin' on the black box.
[Panting]
Here we go now! [Grunting, Yelling]
[Screaming] Oh, God, no! Stop, stop, stop!
[Panting]
I saved our fuckin' life! [Voice Echoing]
I have some advice for you, Keats, right now.
Don't move.
Do not move. I said don't move!
I didn't move, asshole! The damn plane is starting to slip!
Slow. Easy.
[Screaming]
Don't yell! The echo, the vibration, makes it move.
We have to whisper. Whisper.
Aw, shit! That ain't workin', either!
One... two... three!
[Grunting, Groaning]
Man, that was God's way of tellin' you to let me go, I think.
Yeah? We must serve different gods,
because mine is saying shoot you and throw you over that cliff.
Well, I don't like your god. Your god scares me.
I'm your god right now.
[Bird Squawks]
You're a piece of shit, you know that, Keats?
Sometimes I wish that bullet really did kill you.
You better watch what you say to me.
That's pretty sick, man. You pretend to be my friend for a full year,
and then you bust my ass.
That takes somebody really cold-blooded, man, somebody not even human.
I was doin' my job. When are you gonna understand that?
Yeah, well, now bringing me in safe and sound is doin' your job!
And you're gonna do your job, 'cause that's the kind of cop you are.
Am I right, Officer Keats?
- You're right. - [Thud]
[Groaning]
Now, in case you're wondering why that hurt so much,
it's because I have a metal plate in my head, compliments of you.
So from here on in, you better watch what you say to me.
[Archie] Seriously, Keats, you blink, and I am out of here.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
You show up to L.A., you got nothin' but your dingdong in your hands.
Which reminds me, I gotta take a leak right now.
Piss in your pants. We're not stopping.
Piss in my pants? I haven't done that since I'm 24.
Seriously, man, I gotta take a leak.
I gotta take a leak! I gotta take a leak!
- You have 15 seconds. - Fifteen seconds ain't gonna cut it.
I gotta unzip. I gotta shake. That takes time.
You have ten seconds.
[Mutters, Shouts]
[Unzipping, Urinating]
I know you ain't gonna believe me, but...
- that day you got shot, man, that really was an accident! - Time's up.
- I'm not finished! - Yes, you are.
Come on. Wet pants. [Groans]
- Get up! - I got piss on me!
That was a big mistake, making me piss my pants like that, man.
'Cause it's payback time. I don't know when,
but I got a good feeling it's when you're sleepin'.
'Cause I know you're gonna sleep soon enough.
And then, guess what. I'm gonna piss all over you.
See, that's worse. It's my piss on me right now.
You can deal with it when it's your own piss.
But you're gonna have my piss on you, and that's gross.
I'm gettin' other people to piss on you.
I'm gettin' animals to piss on you, man.
Cows, pigs. I'll get a whole farm to piss on you.
What kind of weird place is this?
Hey, all right! They got porno.
- Can I help you gentlemen? - I need to use your phone.
[Clears Throat]
- Charlie, is it? - Charles.
I saw the sign, man. You guys got a lot of porno here?
Yes, we have an excellent selection.
Great. I like the porn.
Well... good.
[Phone Rings]
Hey, Cap, it's me. Yeah, someone tipped Colton off about the pickup.
We got word. I heard about the attack. Jack, are you all right?
Yeah, I'm okay. Listen, who's there with you?
Finch.
Okay, we're in a motel outside of Flagstaff,
a little place called The Hunting Cap Lodge.
We'll find it, have someone there first thing in the morning.
Somebody from that area.
[Jack] Let's keep this between us. Can't trust nobody right now.
Being up in the sticks, man, you must lose your mind. Nothin' else to do.
You whack off a lot?
Wh-What's a lot?
Well, you know, you got five minutes off, you got nothin' to do,
you stumble into one of the rooms, pull down your little panties, whack it.
Excuse me. We need a room.
Uh... you guys aren't... you know?
Look, it's been a long day. Just give me a room.
Okay. Just, uh...
fill this out... please.
Charlie, come here. Geez, man, I wanna talk to ya.
He says he's not gay, but, uh...
let's see what a few drinks and a back massage will do to him, huh?
Might gay him up a little, don't you think? Look at him.
Look at the way he's standing. He's not gay, huh? He's waitin' for you.
Oh, l... That's... I don't thi... Mm-mm.
Is that your wife back there?
Yeah.
Goddamn, she's hot!
Thank you.
Yeah! The three of us, we could burn it up together, don't you think?
- What do you mean? - You know damn well what I mean.
[Jack] Hey, which room?
Uh... let's see.
Well, the only room we have available is the honeymoon suite.
[Archie Howling]
We'll take it.
Hey, Charlie, come here, please.
So, uh, what do you think?
Me, you, the old lady, a little sandwich action?
- Wh-What do you mean? - Yeah, come on!
You're a piece of white bread. She's a piece of white bread.
I'm the salami. Let's give it a shot.
Oh, well, she's not eating sandwiches. She's on a diet right now.
- All right, well, think about it. - Let's go.
All right. Well, enjoy your night.
And thank you for staying... here.
[Archie Singing In Shower] # You #
# My darling, you #
# Bittersweet #
# Memories #
# That is all I'm taking #
# With me #
# So good-bye #
# Please don't cry #
# We both know #
# I'm not what you need #
[Falsetto] # And I #
# I will always #
# Love you #
# I'll always love you # #
Will you shut up? Shut the hell up!
Keats, you'll always be my bodyguard.
You know that.
[Grunting]
Ow!
Let me guess. You dropped the soap?
Please take that out of my ass.
I want you on the bed now!
[Panting] Hey, Charlie.
What's up, Chuck?
[Woman Moaning On TV]
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! [Moaning Continues]
No, we're in some ratty little town called Beaver Pelt.
How will you get out?
Hey, turn that off.
The guy is goin' down on her and she's eating an apple. It's hilarious.
[Moaning Continues] Oh, yeah, that's right.
I'm sorry, sweetheart. What did you say?
Jack, what's going on there? It sounds like someone's having sex.
No, nobody's having sex. It's just Moses.
[Laughs] Jack.
Hey, will you turn that shit off!
This is a '70s porno. You know how I can tell?
'Cause the guy's dick has sideburns.
[Chuckling]
So, listen, baby, wha... what are you wearing?
What am I wearing?
Yeah, you know, you wearing that little black lacey thing I bought you?
[Laughs] Well, as a matter of fact, I am.
Why do you ask?
I don't know. I'm just sittin' here, thinkin' about you.
You know, I'm really missin' you.
I miss you too.
Hey, I gotta let you go.
Jack... [Dial Tone]
Where did you get that? Didn't they search you?
I had it in my ass. You want a hit?
Here.
- [Stomping] - Hey, man, what're you doin'?
You just wasted good weed!
Who were you talking to anyway? Your girlfriend? I didn't know you had a girlfriend.
I'm probably gonna marry this one.
Marry her? Geez, man. I ain't ever gettin' married.
I wouldn't drag anybody into my miserable life.
And two, two cars in every garage, you betcha.
What was wrong with you, man, gettin' involved with a piece of shit like that?
I don't know. Crime's the only thing I'm good at, man.
I had a normal job once. I was a busboy.
Got fired in three days. I don't know how to give people butter.
I got the guy in the yellow trunks.
Twenty bucks, man in the green.
- You already owe me 20 bucks. - For what?
- Knicks at the Forum. - [Mutters]
You didn't wanna take any points. Were you out of your mind?
What a sucker. Here.
You know, maybe I'm the sucker. Damned handcuff shit!
Man, you really had me fooled!
I would've done anything for you. I would've taken a bullet for you, Keats!
I bet that's not even your real name, "Keats."
Holy shit. Your name really isn't Keats, is it?
It's Carter. Jack Carter.
I told you personal shit about myself, shit I never told anybody in my life,
and you didn't even tell me your real name?
I was working undercover. What do you expect?
- You didn't tell anybody, did you? - About what?
The shit I told you! You probably told every cop on the force!
What, that they over-circumcised you?
That's bullshit! I made that up to make you laugh!
Don't worry about it. I didn't tell anybody anything.
- You're a liar. - Don't give me none of your shit!
I'm not the one that made you cross that line.
I may be a criminal, but I would never do to anybody what you did to me, man.
That's messin' with people's feelings!
That's why your head hurts right now, man. You feel guilty.
No, my head hurts because you shot me in it.
- Keats. - Look, it's Carter.
I put my ass on the line, trying to make sure nothin' happened to you.
And what did I get? A bullet in the head!
That was an accident.
- Don't say that shit to me. - It's the truth.
If you're not man enough to admit that what you did was more cold-blooded...
than anything I've done to you, then I don't wanna hear your mouth!
- Well, it was... - Don't say it!
[Screaming] An accident!
[Muffled Muttering]
Hey, Moses, you know, my head feels a million times better.
I think I'm gonna sleep like a baby tonight. How about you?
Oh, I'm sorry about the turds in there. It was an accident.
[Muffled Shouting]
# And I will always #
# Love you #
But, honey, you're the one that's always saying...
we need to try new things...
to keep the passion and fire in our relationship.
Well, how do you know you wouldn't like a little sandwich action?
All right, stud, say good-bye.
Uh, I gotta go, honey. Good-bye.
Where are they?
Who?
Understand me. I'm gonna ask you one more time,
then I'm gonna blow your brains out all over Mr. Moose.
Bungalow 7.
- Good night. - [Grunts]
[Groaning]
[Twig Snaps]
[Muffled Shouting]
[Straining]
[Woman On TV] ¡ Qué rico!
[Woman Moaning On TV]
[Groaning, Screaming]
[Woman On TV Shouting In Spanish]
[Alarm Ringing]
[Woman On TV Continues Moaning, Shouting]
- [Woman On TV Whooping, Moaning] - [Man On TV Grunting]
[Woman On TV] ¡ Qué màs grande! ¡ No lo puedo creo!
[Woman Gasping]
[Grunting]
[Horn Tooting]
Get in!
Go, go, go!
- Stay down. - Those fellas messed with the wrong hombre!
They don't get out of here alive! Let's go!
- Oh-oh. Oh, shit! - Here they come!
Uh, Charlie, don't you think you're goin' a little fast?
Don't worry. I know these woods like the back of my hand.
- Hey! - Hey!
[Shouting]
Aaaah!
That elm came down in a storm we had a week ago Thursday.
Guess those fellows aren't from around here.
Heh, heh, heh, heh.
That's Jimmy's creek. It's good fishin', if you're ever back this way.
Charlie, are you getting a woody doing this?
Uh-uh. I had one before we started.
Come on, Charles.
I don't like that look in his eye.
- Where're we going? What's he doin'? - Charlie!
God almighty! Charlie!
[Loud Crashing]
Devil's Dropoff!
235 feet straight down.
Kinda hard to make out in the dark.
I'd like to make out with you in the dark, Charlie. Come here.
- Get outta here! Get off me! - Don't be so shy!
- Yeah! - All right, Charlie!
Ahhh!
[Phone Ringing]
Yeah.
Mr. Colton, I've lost 'em, and I don't know where they are.
Gimme a second.
Fuckin' idiot prick!
Naturally, if you lost 'em, you don't know where they are.
- You fuckin' idiot. - Sorry.
- Where might they be? - Probably on their way to Los Angeles.
See you later. Thanks for being a hero, Charlie.
Oh, great, you're puttin' the handcuffs back on. Thanks!
It's Finch.
It's gotta be Finch.
- Something I don't understand, though. - What's that?
He's a special D.E.A. officer. These guys don't usually flip out like that.
Colton can fix anybody he thinks might be able to help him in the long run.
You fuckin' piece of shit! You ruined my life! Sorry, I'm sorry.
Hey, where're you going right now?
- Callin' the FBI. - What?
Did you not listen to a word I said?
What are you telling me? Colton's got FBI agents in his pockets, too?
Is it the plate in your head? I don't remember you being this stupid.
Look, Colton's got notebooks with people's names in it, all right?
Cops, judges, FBI agents.
I know this 'cause I used to write some of those names in there myself.
You just don't want the FBI involved because you think...
it'll be easier for you to run if it's just me and you.
You know what your problem is? You see everything in black and white.
You don't realize there's a gray area in life. That's where most people live.
Know what? Spare me your ignorant philosophy.
I think I trust the FBI a little more than a guy that shot me in my head.
Call me wacky.
Yeah, the bus comes in at 7:00.
Right. Okay. Good-bye.
Hey, man. Can I call my mother?
- For what? - Because, you just got me killed...
I figure I'll talk to her one last time.
- No. - Come on, man.
You know I talk to her every Tuesday.
She's gonna get all nervous if I don't call. Please.
Do you have any change? Come on.
You know, I always did like your Mom. How's she doin'?
Well, if she could stop drinkin' all that booze and smokin' all that weed...
I guess she'd be all right.
The doctor says... Hey, don't talk about my mother, by the way.
What are you getting all defensive about?
Because it would break my mother's heart if she knew what you did to me.
I was just doing my job, that's what I did to you.
My mother loved you! She said you were my only real friend.
It's ringing.
You didn't tell her what happened, did you?
No. I wouldn't do that.
Will you please help? Thank you.
Mom? Hey!
How's it goin'?
Mom, are you high?
Geez, what else is new?
Okay.
Ah-ha, Rock Keats is doin' just fine.
Yes, he is. He's right here.
He's with me. You want to talk to him?
- Well, I'll put him on the phone! - I don't want to.
You've got nothing to feel guilty about. You said so.
- I don't want to talk to her. - Just talk to Mommy.
Carter, Mommy.
Right there. It's all right.
Hi, Ma.
Yeah, I'm doing great.
No, I have a new girlfriend now.
Yeah. Named Traci.
No, not Staci, Traci.
No, she's not like the whore in Mexico. No.
- Yeah, I'm taking care of your Archie. - [Laughing]
I know, and...
Well, he's my best friend too.
- [Laughing] - Okay.
Well, I look forward to seeing you. Okay.
Sweet potato pie? That's wonderful.
Okay. Bye-bye.
Mmwah. [Kissing Sound] Back at you.
- You know I'm gonna kill you, right? - Carter, stop that.
# Until the day when I become what I will be #
- # Oh, hey # - # Until the day when memories are not to see #
- # Always # - # Until the day when we see sunshine through the clouds #
# Oh, hey #
All right. These are our guys.
# # [Continues, Indistinct]
[Moses] The Blues Brothers?
Yeah.
Look. Guess which one of them is your real father?
The one with the hat.
Detective Carter? Special Agents Gentry and Cole.
Man, am I glad to see you guys.
- Gentry and Cole, eh? - Yeah. So what?
Don't mind him, he's simple.
I guess you boys had a pretty rough ride.
Man, you can say that again.
Darrel Gentry, Darrel Gentry, Darrel Gentry.
- That's my name, don't wear it out. - First name is Darrel, right?
Yeah. Named after my mother's brother.
[Laughing] Talk about simple!
Old Uncle Darrel was a goddamned pinhead!
[Moses] Yeah. Now, how did I know your first name?
What's that?
Your first name. How did I know that?
Hell, I don't know. I suppose I said something back at the station.
Oh, that's right. Keats, remember that?
He goes, "Hey, I'm Darrel Gentry," right at the station.
He goes "Darrel. I'm Darrel Gentry."
Yeah, 'cause it's not like I'm a psychic.
If I was a psychic, I would have made you out for a cop.
We wouldn't be in this damn mess in the first place.
How the hell do you shut him up?
Oh, well, this usually works.
Keats, get the wheel!
[Horn Tooting]
Oh, you gonna shoot that shit? Get the hell out of my car.
- Get out! - Uugh!
- [Groaning] - You all right? Good.
It's time to roll.
[Groaning]
[Laughing] Oh, my God, the guy looks like a tumbleweed!
- [Laughing] The Rock and Archie Show. - Yeah, you did good, kid.
Yeah. I told you I was telling the truth about them FBI guys.
Okay, so you told the truth.
Just like I was telling the truth about how shooting you was an accident.
Hey. Don't go there.
Hey, man. I may not know you, where you're really from,
what school you really went to...
or whether or not your Dad really was a smack-head.
But you know me, man.
Say it. Tell me I ain't a liar. Say it, Keats.
- You ain't a liar. - Hallelujah.
Hey, Moe. My father really did die...
with a needle in his arm.
You're the only person I ever told that to.
I wish I could hug you, but I got these goddamn handcuffs on.
- Stick your finger in your ass, Alfie. - [Laughing]
Hey, the reason Colton wants me so bad...
and the reason the DA was so willing to make a deal with me...
is 'cause I know how Colton's whole operation works.
From how he imports the drugs to how he launders the money through his car dealership.
It's all written in them notebooks I was tellin' you about.
- The ones with the names? - You could make a case against Colton...
that would put him away for 20 lifetimes and I could help you get them...
- If... I let you go? - The cops don't give a shit about me. They want Colton.
No can do.
How can you do this to me?
Look, you're giving up Colton, all right?
- You're not gonna do much time. - Oh, yeah, okay.
Smuggling dope, shooting a cop, I'll see you in ten years.
That's if your boy Vince doesn't pick me off on the way to headquarters.
I'm not taking you to headquarters.
I'm taking you to my precinct.
I know people there I can trust.
You'll be all right.
We were friends, Keats. Friends.
Doesn't that mean anything to you?
Don't give me that shit about you were just doing your job,
- 'cause that's crap! - Hey. I was doin' my job then...
- and I'm doin' my job now. - Well, your job sucks!
[Radio Static Crackling]
Hey, could you move your head to the left?
I think that fuckin' plate is ruinin' the reception!
- [Static Clears] # I waited here by the phone # - Jesus, you're right.
# And when the silence prolonged # #
[Cheering, Whistling]
Hey, where's the captain at?
- Haven't seen him. - Good to see you, man, but you look like shit.
Why don't you go home? We'll take this guy off your hands.
Wait, uh...
Do the names Sulliman and Jones mean anything to you?
Hey, wait a minute. What's with you, Jack?
You don't trust us, all of a sudden?
I don't trust anybody, Whoopi.
Sulliman. Jones.
- Don't ring a bell. - All right.
You keep him away from Finch. That bastard's on Colton's payroll.
That son of a bitch. I knew there was a reason I didn't like that guy.
Hey, Keats.
- Yeah. - Will you do me a favor?
Could you check in on my mom every once in a while?
Make sure she's not smoking too much weed?
I got nobody else to ask.
You got it. I'll look after her.
- Hello. - Hey, bright eyes.
- Jack, where are you? Ja... - I'm at the sta... Hello?
Hello, Jack. Welcome home.
You son of a bitch. If you hurt her, I swear to God...
Yeah, yeah. Listen. [Clearing Throat] I'm a businessman, Jack,
so I thought maybe we'd discuss a little business.
You see, you have something that I want, and I have something that you want.
So what I'm talking about here is an even swap.
But I don't have Moses anymore. I turned him in.
Well, that's not very good, then, is it?
Um, you better get him back, Jack.
You bring Moses to my house, or you'll never see your little girlfriend again.
Come on down, hear? [Clicking, Dial Tone]
Watch your step!
Look, man, don't do what I think you want to do,
'cause I'm telling you, neither one of us is gonna like it.
Wait, hold up! I need him back.
What are you talkin' about?
- I'm taking him to headquarters myself. - Why?
Never mind, why. Get the fuck off me.
He's taking me back, so we're going.
Sorry about your lunch, big man.
Hey, man, thank you. I knew you wouldn't let me down.
- What was that last look I gave you? - Yeah, all of that.
- Jack, where are you goin'? - Trust me on this, Captain. He's dirty.
- What the hell are you talking about? - You heard me!
- Are you crazy? - I'll explain it all to you later.
No! You'll explain now!
Jensen. Jensen?
- This guy's name is Jensen? - Why? Why? Why?
- What? - It's not Finch, man, it's Jensen!
- He works with Colton! - What the hell is he saying?
- You gotta get me outta here! - He's saying that you're in bed with Colton. Now, back up.
Jack, he's a lying son of a bitch!
- He doesn't lie. - Jack, are you going to take the word...
of that little prick over mine?
- Right now, I have to. - You're on suspension, you son of a bitch.
Now, turn that prisoner over.
Don't you even think about it!
And you. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
- Hey, man. - Hey, how you doin'?
[Thudding Sound]
[Indistinct Speaking]
# Gettin' down with the party #
# Well, hey I'm the big kahuna #
- # # [Continues, Indistinct] - I cannot believe that it was Jensen.
This guy's been like a father to me!
Mmm.
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
Uh, I'm not gonna tell ya, 'cause you're probably gonna get mad.
Moe, what are you talkin' about?
All right, there was a chance...
I'm not 100%% sure, but...
maybe it was Benson, not Jensen.
You're bullshitting me.
No, I'm not positive about this.
Actually, I am pretty positive it was Benson.
- They sound the same. - Moses, I could kick your ass!
It's very close, Jensen, Benson. They rhyme!
Jesus Christ, gimme a break!
- Give you a break? - You should be happy! Your captain's clean!
I knocked my superior officer on his ass. I pulled a gun on him.
- And I should be happy? - The good thing is...
when push came to shove, you acted like a human being instead of a cop!
Man, you wouldn't let me rot in that jail cell...
and I love you for it!
Moses...
Mmm. I swear to God, I'm going to make it up to you. That's a promise.
- I got something to tell you. - Mm-hmm. Go ahead.
- You're not gonna get mad? - I ain't gonna get mad.
I'm falling in love with you all over again.
Okay. Okay.
Colton's got Traci. He says the only way I can get her back is if I turn you in.
There, I said it.
You can't stop fucking me over, can you?
I'm not gonna turn you in!
Okay? But I can't get her back without you.
You're the only one that knows your way around that place.
Look, we both know I ain't gonna make it outta that place alive.
- Um, look... - Forget it, man, I ain't doing this!
Okay, fine!
Then I guess you lied to me after all.
- Okay, about what? - You said you'd take a bullet for me.
Well, I would have taken a bullet for you at one time,
but that shit's all gone now.
Cool. Then don't do it for me.
Do it for yourself. Because as long as you're alive, Colton wants you dead.
It's only a matter of time before he puts your lights out.
Goddamn it. All right, gimme a gun.
Moses, you're a fugitive who's in my custody.
I can't just give you a gun.
Even if it means I'm gonna get killed?
- It don't work like that. The rules... - Even if it means...
Traci could get killed?
Will you get over that black and white shit and come over to the gray area?
Goddamn it, there's plenty of room!
- Mr. Colton's waiting to see us. - He certainly is.
Hand it over.
After you.
Gross. Right in the fuckin' eyeball.
Bet you're glad you gave me that gun.
This is the only door without an alarm on it.
- What does it lead to? - Guest kitchen. Nobody's ever in there.
Oh, shit.
Get her out of here.
I think they're eating fajitas.
[Groaning] Goddamn it.
Drop back.
Now!
So no one's ever in here, huh, Moses?
Hey. Shit!
[Growling]
[Grunting]
- Is that all you got? - [Grunting]
[Growling]
Come here!
Motherfucker!
[Grunting, Groaning]
[Head Plate Clanging]
[Groaning]
Aaaaargh!
[Elevator Bell Dings]
Oh, Jack.
Thank God. I was so scared.
- Where's Colton? - I saw him drive off when the shooting started.
Okay. Come on, let's get out of here.
Shh.
There may still be some people around here. I don't have a gun.
I've got one.
Great. Let me have it.
Put your hands up, Jack.
Traci, now is not the time for jokes.
- Give me the gun. - Put your hands up, or I will let you have it.
Move toward the door.
So after all this time, it was you, huh?
- I'm sorry, Jack. - Why don't you just shoot me in my head?
It won't hurt as much.
Give me the gun, bitch! Thank you!
- Where the hell were you? - Gettin' Colton's notebooks.
According to these, it's Nurse Traci's job...
to get close to somebody and then fuck them over.
- No wonder you liked her. - Jack, please!
Move it!
Colton knew you'd be coming after me sooner or later...
so he sicked devil eyes over here on you to lead him to me.
Jack, Colton made me do it.
He would have killed me if I hadn't done it.
Watch it now, Keats. She's playing you.
But then I fell in love with you.
But... then I fell... Shut the fuck up!
I swear to God I did.
Aw, she's lyin' out her devil ass!
- Will you shut the fuck up? - Why don't you make me?
Jesus, I gotta learn how to fight. This is pathetic.
[Gunshots Firing]
Moses, don't you do it!
Your girlfriend is shooting at me. What do you want me to do, tell her she's pretty?
Traci. Traci.
- Put the gun down. - I'm walking out of here, Jack.
- Don't try to stop me. - Goddamn it, Traci, stop this.
Don't take it personally. I'm just doing my job.
[Laughing] Oh, shit! I've heard that before!
Look, Moses, shut up.
Traci, please.
[Moses] Don't make you feel too good, does it, Keats?
Traci!
Okay, Jack.
I'm coming out. I don't want anyone else to get hurt.
Hey, Keats. Take a gun. She's crazy.
Put it down.
- Keats, look out! - [Gun Firing]
[Colton] Hey, jack-off.
You make one hell of a partner.
First you bust 'em, then you get 'em shot.
Hey, you know what? Screw him.
I built my whole business selling to morons like him.
You come on down to Colton Motors, you hear?
And I'll sell you a new partner, one without a bullet in him.
Think of the depreciation.
Step into my office, chump.
- I could kill you now, but that wouldn't be enough. - What?
'Cause first, man,
I'm gonna fuck you up.
[Clanking]
[Grunting]
Ooooh!
[Grunting]
Let's get our story straight.
[Exhaling] You two. You broke in here to kill me.
Ohhh! That's what you get for trying to make me suck your dick.
Aaaaah!
Hey, Moe. I can't believe you did that.
Did what?
You actually took a bullet for me.
That was pretty nice of me, wasn't it?
- Yeah. - Ow. Ow! Ow! Ow!
Hey, sit down. Let me look at that.
Ah, shit.
Ow!
Man, it's just a little flesh wound.
A bullet hit my back. It hurts.
- Try taking one in the head. - All right, that probably hurt more.
Those notebooks ought to make that Benson or...
Jensen guy forget you ever hit him.
It's Jensen. And you better get the hell out of here.
Thanks, man.
Hey, you take care of yourself.
Try not to mess up.
This life of crime bullshit, I'm done with it. I'm going to Cabo.
Ah, drinkin' margaritas, bangin' seÑoritas.
Fuck that shit, man. I'm gonna be a bullfighter.
I hear those guys make a lot of money. You should come.
Maybe. To the Rock and Archie Show.
To the Jack and Archie Show.
I'll see you later.
See you, Moses.
[Dog Barks, Chicken Squawks]
[Moses] The American customer is different than here in Mexico.
You see, we like it when you first meet somebody, you just start kissing.
Get to know each other a little. It's a little strange at first,
but if you loosen up you can enjoy it.
You know, I think it could be fun.
- SeÑor, you're so funny. - Oh, funny, and good looking too.
I'm not great looking, but pretty good. Like, about a seven.
Hey, I wanted to ask you. How many of you have done it with a bullfighter?
- Anybody? Come on, show of hands. - We don't like bullfighters.
- We hate when they kill the bull. - I wouldn't kill the bull.
That's not nice. What I like to do is...
I like to get to know the bull, teach it how to read, that kind of thing.
- Make him stop smoking. - Let's go.
It's not right for a bull to smoke.
How's it goin'?
We don't like you gringos bothering our women.
And I wouldn't do that.
That's why I'm going to leave right now. It was great meeting you.
Oh, God, come on.
Hey!
You got a problem with him, then you got a problem with us.
Right, Keats?
[Growling]
[Choking, Growling]
Keats?
Hey, you don't want to beat the shit out of me in front of my mother, do you?
Mom! Ma!
Mom! Mother!
# It's the nine right So I gotta get loc #
# Do what I gotta do to get them hundred spokes #
# Get smoke with my folks like a baller bachelor #
# You can catch me in my Acura #
# Half of ya don't know the meaning of dope #
# That's why I'm grabbin' the microphone #
# And goin' for broke #
# Like one time for your mind #
# Down with flossy macks and I'm all of that #
# I been around the world seen so many girls #
# Honeys lookin' fine Yo, I'm out to get mine #
# You didn't know me then as my homey #
# We're comin' from way back #
# The hell with them knapsacks and backpacks #
# Comin' through with the new thought ya knew #
# We doin' this just like we supposed to do #
# And we keepin' it real with the action #
# Guaranteed satisfaction when it's all ya askin' #
# Just the two of us #
# We can make it if we try #
# Just the two of us #
# You and I #
# Just the two of us #
# Keep it real You know that's why #
# Just the two of us #
# You and I #
# Mama always said I was born to speak the word #
# Now I got them beats for my peoples serving curbs #
# I rock from back street to boulevards #
# I come with the funk they bump in the trunk #
# So check ya headphones and boom boxes #
# 'Cause I be rockin' heads #
# From the ghettoes to the boondoxes #
# Who gots the motts We do #
# And I loves to see a honey in a nightie that's see through #
# So now you know we down from the block #
# See my homey he got shot #
# Ya know what I think got #
# Doin' it for some cleanin' the money #
# Somethin' ain't right 'cause it's shady when it's sunny #
# Hot damm I got they number #
# Pullin' they card out the deck just to put 'em in check #
# It makes me wonder who to trust #
- # But the two of us # - # Just the two of us #
# We can make it if we try #
# Just the two of us #
# You and I #
# Just the two of us #
# Keep it real You know that's why #
# Just the two of us #
# You and I #
# Who can I lean on when I fall #
# It's my homeys that I call #
# Always know they're comin' through #
- # Yeah # - # Good things might come to those who wait #
# But not to those who contemplate #
# You gotta go for what you know, baby #
# Check one, two as I creep Now don't sleep #
# Just the two of us Wreck I'm LP #
- # Nothin' new to ya # - # Tell you what I'll do for ya #
- # Make a mad move for ya # - # Mad party grooves for ya #
# So put the boogie in ya backside #
- # All night # - # Grab a boo and hit the dance floor #
# Now sure ya right #
# Hidden sweets in switches #
# Pitches all day I said steady as I parley #
# In the mix 'cause I have to be #
# And I'm steady pulling skirts like cavities #
- # Say what # - # We puttin' it down like gravity #
- # And there ain't a honey dip that won't be havin' me # - # Yeah #
# Just the two of us #
# We can make it If we try #
# Just the two of us #
# You and I #
# Just the two of us #
# Keep it real You know that's why #
# Just the two of us #
# You and I #
# Just the two of us #
# We can make it if we try #
# Just the two of us #
# You and I #
# Just the two of us #
# Keep it real You don't ask why #
# Just the two of us #
# You and I #
# Just the two of us #
# We can make it if we try #
# Just the two of us # #
# Can you feel #
# All punks cannot go downstairs #
# Clean up their messes #
[Laughing]